|
February 5, 2010
SNOW to Encourage My Weary Heart!
AAaaahhh, I love big flakes of snow, so when it started this late morning, I went outside in my pj's (boots, coat and gloves) and did my "animal chores" and played a bit of "soccer" with Maximum. Thank You, Jesus, for the miracle of snow. I always smile as it reminds me of the classic movie, "The King and I" where the King asks, "WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE IN SNOW!?!" after 1st teaching the children that snow is not real!
A thing of beauty is a joy to behold.
***************************************************************************
Feb 03, 2010
Way Bummed... but Encouraged Too
I mis-understood my ND as well as the absorption ability (or lack thereof) of Nystatin. It is ONLY working on the digestive tract... not the systemic mucosal tissues. So, the "Herx" reaction I thought I had could really just be the nasty ole FMS in a flare (feels the same as what the "die off" reaction will feel like)... While I'm still taking the Guai, I'm not on the protocol (not being "sals" aware)
My doc is going to call in an RX for the SCARY Diflucan (or V Fend if that's less toxic to the liver) today. He wanted me on the "gutt" stuff, Nystatin, prior to doing the systemic thing to see how well I would react to just that.
My only real reaction (other than I am having skin break-outs which I never have [ie zits, etc]... and the fungal outbreak beneath my breasts) is CONSTIPATION. I'm truly bummed about that as I've worked so hard to get my bowels to work right (colonics which require a 5-hr one way drive to the tech!) I'm taking about 4 tsp of fresh ground flax seed daily but it's not enough. Will increase my water consumption even more (to about 80 oz a day!) I'm also on some quality probiotics ("pearls" so that they bypass the stomach acid) and will increase that dosage to 2 BID.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
January 27, 2010
TELEGRAPH.co.uk did an interview with Corrine Bailey Rae specifically about her new album, The Sea. This is the only work she’s done since her husband’s drug-overdose death two years ago. The interviewer reminded her of a statement she made three years back:
'I hope my music is healing. I believe that music can encourage you to move on from painful events. It helps to make a scar fade.’
Dear Corinne,
I wish I could tell you what your song, “Girl Put Your Records On,” has done for the lost childhood in me… Oh how healing it is! (Scroll down to light pink text.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jan 22, 2010 10:48:52
3rd WEEK ON CANDIDA TREATMENT PROTOCOL
The Nystatin isn't bringing on the "Herx crisis" at all like I expected. My naturopath says, "Great!" So, maybe things truly are happening and I'm blessed. The only sign that I'm even on a new drug is the nausea from the Nystatin that comes if I take it on an empty stomach.
I will describe the treatment protocol, including high doses of garlic (liver food)/my progress notes/ etc on another page. To locate that:
Go to home page then go to Chronic Disabling Diseases then to Fibromyalgia then to Theories of Cause then to Systemic Fungal Infection then to treatment
To close this entry, tho, I'll say that I'VE HAD VERY LITTLE BRAIN FOG! That's sweet. I've been working the office twice a week, full days and keeping up on Real Estate stuff at the home office, too. My vision is impaired and the pain seems increased at times, but fatigue is minimal now that hubby is back from vacation and can take on a lot of the load around the house.
Praise God!
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
January 12, 2010
The Word God gave me today is
INVISIBLE
For the past few months, blurred, tormenting memories of my childhood have left me feeling an emptiness. Until last night, I couldn't "connect the dots," so-to-speak. Why were these random memories coming to me, especially now in my life (age 53 at the time of this writing)?
Last night, husband and I were looking through old high school year books and reminiscing (he's on his way to VACATION FOR A WEEK, spending good time with an old Freshman High bud whom he hasn't seen in 30+ years!) I have almost no fond memories (only torment) of those days in my life (Mom rotting away with cancer beginning in my Freshman year and leaving me abandoned in the middle of my sophomore year ~~ making no HEALTHFUL decisions for my care after she was to leave this earth.) I looked @ the pic of me @ the very onset of my Freshman year; I looked like a "normal" teenage kid... no real BURDENS showing in my face. My sophomore pic depicts me as a bit "worn" but not bad (we didn't know at that point what EXACTLY was wrong with Mom.) My Junior year photo shows a "void" or “hollowness” in my face. At that point, Mom was dead, I was orphaned (because my siblings refused to let me live with my alcoholic father) and VERY INVISIBLE to my relatives and, apparently, to all adults in my life... all except my sister-in-law. She DESPISED me and DETESTED my being shipped to her "perfect" home. (She's a "weirdy" as my kids describe strange, unapproachable people.) She did all she could to throw hate my way.
As I began to slip into slumber last night, more childhood memories came to me. The word INVISIBLE came to me and then I realized this: God has brought these memories to me to SEND ME ON A TRAIL TOWARD PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL HEALING! As an adult, married to a wonderful MAN, parent of 7 kids, I myself now “safe,” I can look back at THE TRUTH, all of THE TRUTH of those vulnerable years. I recall so much neglect: poor diet, 2nd hand smoke-filled air 24/7, a moldy basement, violence and danger very many many times (tragic accidents) not receiving medical attention when I should have. On the other hand, I LIVED on antibiotics... zero immune system. [ENTER: SYSTEMIC FUNGAL INFECTION FOR ALMOST MY ENTIRE LIFE!] We won’t even touch on the emotional/psychological abandonment here.
Anywhoooo, what do these things have to do with me today? INVISIBLE TO THE WORLD as a needy little kid = A VERY READY HEART TO ACCEPT CHRIST AS MY LORD AND FATHER!!! Praise You, God.
YOU BECAME MY PARENT.
Thank You for using a very ugly childhood for Your glory and my joy. Thank You for the heart I have had since a youngster for "underdogs" and vulnerable people (hence, the professions of nurse and Special Ed teacher.) Thank You for showing me how to be brave and for teaching me how to love. While I love rather poorly (don't we all?), AT LEAST I DO IT! My kids lived a rich childhood and I pray that many many people’s lives have been touched by Your love through me.
You saved me from self-destruction and eternal damnation when I was so tiny I could play (hide) comfortably inside the TOP HALF of a linen closet! Aaaaahhh, the fresh clean aroma of (clothesline-dried sheets) FREEDOM... Freedom to be loved and cherished and guided by You... there in that closet. There, the sights and sounds of insanity were absent. There, I could hear Your loving voice and feel Your tender touch.
No wonder Galatians 5:1 is my favorite verse of the Bible:
"For freedom Christ has set us free.
Stand fast, therefore, and do not submit again to a yolk of slavery."
Thank You, LORD!
New entry, same day...
GIRL, PUT YOUR RECORDS ON~~Corinne Baily Rae
And so, with that heavy journal entry preceding this, I now relax in my sunlit sitting room, "rockin" to Corrine Baily Rae's bouncy song which, surprisingly enough, has HUGE SYMBOLISM of my childhood. I think maybe the angels were singing this to me way back then (close your eyes... can you see them jammin and singing sweetly?)
Message to Me: FEEL THE HEALING!
"Three little birds sat on my window and they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon, so sweet.
Little girls double dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong but it's alright.
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.
ooo, don't you hesitate...
GIRL PUT YOUR RECORDS ON~
TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE SONG;
YOU GO AHEAD LET YOUR HAIR DOWN.
SAPPHIRE AND FADED JEANS~
I HOPE YOU GET YOUR DREAMS...
JUST GO AHEAD LET YOUR HAIR DOWN.
YOU'RE GONNA FIND YOURSELF SOMEWHERE SOMEHOW.
Blue as the sky,
sunburnt and lonely
sippin tea in a bar on the roadside!
just relax... just relax...
Don't you let those other boys fool you
gotta love that afro hairdo...
Maybe sometimes we feel afraid but it's alright;
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change!
don't you think it strange?
GIRL PUT YOUR RECORDS ON...
T'was more than I could take...
pity for pity's sake.
Some nights kept me awake;
I thought that I was stronger...
When you gonna realize
that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to!
GIRL, PUT YOUR RECORDS ON...
You're gonna find yourself somewhere somehow...”
So, what’s it all mean?
“Three little birds” = angels or Father, Son and Holy Spirit... Somebody in the spiritual realm talking to me.
“I don’t need to worry” = my young childhood was filled with worry over the foolish, fearful blind ones in authority over me.
“Summer came like cinnamon” = I love cinnamon and I loved summer (I could get be outside from dawn til dark and away from the craziness inside the house.)
“Little girls double dutch on the concrete”= when I was old enough to go to school, I saw children laugh and play and I learned new, fresh fun stuff (Chinese jumprope and hopscotch!)
“Maybe sometimes we’ve got it wrong” = those I expected to be my protectors weren’t my protectors at all
“The more things seem to change the more they stay the same” = nothing was stable; we constantly moved and I was forever having to acclimate to new schools... yet, all the craziness stayed the same.
“Girl put your records on...” chorus = the angels telling me of the freedom in Christ! What was/is my favorite song? CHRIST JESUS is my favorite everything! SAPPHIRE (my blue eyes) AND FADED JEANS (a poor little waif)= ME
“Blue as the sky” = summer
“sunburnt” = yep, all the time (I’ve even had the skin cancer to prove it!) so that even my summers were scorched with pain
“lonely” = that goes without saying
“sippin tea in a bar on the roadside” = when my drunken father and I were in that motorcycle accident. My leg was badly burned but he took me to the bar to have an Orange Crush pop instead of seeking immediate medical treatment!
“just relax... just relax”... so said and still say the “adults” in my family of origin
“boys fool you” = voices everywhere from silly adults telling me to “settle down” and not be angry
“gotta luv that afro hairdo” = I hated my tightly-permed hairdo my mother made me wear for years. Everybody commented on it; “isn’t she cute.”
“Twas more than I could take...” As a child, that wisdom came easily and with a simple faith, I turned myself over to God as I knew Him.
“for pity’s sake” = a saying my mom used to recite.
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change!
don't you think it strange? AS I BECAME A SERVANT OF CHRIST, stable and focused and firm, others who put their faith in other things grew further and further from me. The ones I loved the most are now the most distant to me.
When you gonna realize
that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to!
Praise God this is where I’m at today in this cold, dark world that is not my home. I am a pilgrim here just traveling through; I belong to the King of Kings Whose kingdom is not of this world. My joy is in serving Him, bringing delight to Him, resting in His plan for me.
********************************************* *
|
