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Segments of a personal diary posted here are used with the victim’s and his wife’s permission. My friend has written it at my request. It is the story of a very young man (50 yoa) who has begun to show serious signs of memory loss and mental dysfunction. My prayer is that I can help him once I understand his battle. His prayer is that, in writing this, HE WILL HELP OTHERS. July 20, 2009 Late Morning hello im usually not a diary kind of person but i was incouraged to start this for others to see thru my eyes how dementia or as the drs say on my joerney ,its been about 6 months that ive noticed that something wasnt right ,i mentioned it to my dr on that visit .she said it could be the meds i was taking or just the fogg that is ocompanyed with this terrible thing called fibo,i dont kno what is worse the fogg or me starting to slowly lose my mind,im told that as the desiese gets worse the brain is actually shrinking in my head ,ok i guess so ,ive had fibro fogg for about 3yrs ,so ive lived with it and kno when something is wrong,its like u havent seen a freind for yrs and u just cant find his name ,its on the tip of your tounge. now to me that been going on for several yrs only latelyhas it been registering to me that theres something diffrent going on in my head ,littlhings like not remembering mysons name or driveing along and not knowing where u are heading only to have the drs office or my wife calling and asking WHERE ARE U simply to say idont kno.so back to whats giong on in my mind its like someones gradually sucking out my memorys ,my thoughts ,my life only to sit here and have a hard time remembering what im here writing about one thing and forgeting what i just wrote down .im going to try to keep a diary of the things that are happening ,if i can figure out how to get to this page again... ,that’s how it feels in my head today like a ball of yarn being unraveled by the knitter only to not knitted in to anything useful ill stop hopr to get it togather and write something good and possitive so as to keep my up July 21, 2009 around 8 p.m. i went to my drs yesterday to see if my meds were causing my confusion . i was hoping he would say -yes it could be a combination of of what im taking my meds- he said no.im all jumbled up in my mind today ,ive got to go over to my brothers to help with putting in some windows in his addition,it beats setting at home.i dread driving around im so afraid im going to get turned around and not get there, i usually just go home i catch myself running stop lights ,ive been followed by angry drivers that ive almost caused a wreck ,boy was he upset ,i keep my windows up and locked ,i kno he must be in the wrong.he had to be,i guess. im crying now for no reason ,i dont kno why its coming on more often i was raised to never show emotions my dad was a stern man .but i will burst out in tears ,i dont kno why .something im thinking of or a song on the radio,my mind wanders ,i try to remember where im at ,oohh tto brothers house ,i guess why does everything have to be so hard. im done for the day i hope i was of a little help he mainly laughs at me for not having my ladder set in place i have a hard time figuring out this thing ,i kno i can do it it shouldnt be this hard to set up a ladder,ive done it a thousand times before .im so mad at myself why is this happening.ok do it yourself im going home.now youve done it --try and find home now.i set here and look out and see him trying to do the window himself and look at me he has to be put out with me .he helps setup my ladder ,just like the times he did before.i feel like a little child helping.well we did it only six more to go.boy im exausted.i look at him thru the empty hole where the window is going to be set its a challenge.i so want to go home where its safe from the stuff that makes have to remeber July 23, 2009 getting in to see a specialist is so hard,its a battle for me .ive asked my dr for a new referal now its getting the apointment on the calender so i dont forget when i need to go. that sounds so easy but i forget to look at the calender or i just dont want to have to go. its the little things now that bug me,the other day or i think i was .maybe to day. it dont matter they all run togather. i was setting here and the phone numbers of the past were rolling around in my mind . ive lived in a lot of places in my life ,alot when i was young .what im tring to say is the addresses and phone numbers all came back like right now i could remember them .like it was yesterday some up to being 2 to 3 years of age ,thats so strange ,i have a hard time just remembering my cell phone numberim losing the names or my family, i hate to set here and think of losing the things of my life ,its degrading to go somewhere and visit freinds all they do is talk over me ,i try to be in conversation,the more i think the more i lose what im tring to say ,geesh i cant even type it all comes out jumbled.its hard to think how fast its going away,my control of my life ,mabe its a bad nightmare ,im lost i cant get control. July 26 as i set here continuing this story of my life .ihave been readi gedthe storys of those that have sucumed to this theif of a life that is taking more minds ,more lifes that should be happy,fullfilled ,shareing of love memorys ,only to be snached by this beast.i read in blurredeyes that are welled up in tearsover the sad ending of their lifes.i look at how far ive fallen into the river of dementia. August 2, 2009 i cant think of anything to say,my head hurts so bad.im feeling down because im still reading about whats happening to me thru others that have been writen about.im seeing some traits of this desiese starting to cripple my mind . August 6 today is actually a good one,ive been able to think .its the evening thats got me now,im setting here and nothing is coming out of my mind ,its like the power is off , the clouds are starting to build up its going to start to rain ,no,not outside but in my head im filling up with the rain water im drounding in the heavy water in mind . washing away the present and making the past murky.little things of my soul being washed out to sea. August 12 im enjoying a good day,in smoking a turkey and sone beef ribs .ill try a new wood this time ,im using the usual wood ,maple and try some pecan i bought ,it should be a nice mild taste.i have been using maple and apple ,its the best but im a person that is open to change.speaking of change i need to find another place to hide my spare change ,those kids are always looking to find it.but,,,,,i also need to find a spot that is easy for me to find.im getting so forgetful .todays going to be crazy ,me making dinner and the tring to get stuff ready at the same time is boggling my mind ,and now she says we are having over company ,glad i smoked that bigg turkey.so im just waiting for someone to come on chat.oh well.i guess ive forgot what else i was going to say ,no big deal ,if i dont write itn down imeddiitly its gone
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